Thought about boundaries much? It’s a topic that comes up so often in the addiction treatment and recovery process. With that said, boundaries are more than just lines on a map or fence posts on a property. They can also be your safety blanket for keeping relapse at bay and sticking with your sobriety goals (as long as they’re healthy boundaries, of course). So what are examples of healthy boundaries in addiction recovery, and what can you do to learn how to set healthy boundaries in your own sobriety journey?
What are Boundaries?
Setting boundaries in recovery is a form of self-care designed to promote and assure your sobriety, shares Mental Health America. No doubt you may already be aware of the critical importance of maintaining self-care and overall wellness along your recovery journey. While eating healthy, getting good sleep, and exercising are key pillars of self-care, so are healthy boundaries. But what are boundaries, exactly?
According to Co-Dependents Anonymous (CoDA), boundaries essentially are limits you put in place. They separate a person, place, or thing from another. In the context of addiction recovery, boundaries can be both physical and verbal, separating your identity, responsibilities, feelings, needs, and issues from those belonging to others. Over time, you may establish different types of boundaries throughout your recovery, including:
- Spiritual
- Social
- Physical
- Emotional
- Intellectual
Your boundaries can also be both internal and external. Internal boundaries are parameters or limits you set for yourself. They could be commitments or goals you make on the long road to lasting sobriety. Or internal boundaries can be limits you set to protect yourself from addictive impulses and maintain self-discipline.
On the other hand, external boundaries — what you may naturally think of in recovery — are limits you put in place between you and others. These boundaries may vary depending on the person and the relationship. When in place, they help you and the other person know what’s permissible and what’s not, ultimately protecting your sobriety along the way.
The Impact of Setting Boundaries in Recovery
The idea of coming up with boundaries to set in a relationship or in your recovery in general may seem strange. And that’s fair, especially if you didn’t grow up in a family where healthy boundaries in relationships were regularly modeled. However, setting boundaries in recovery matters greatly to your long-term success post-treatment. But why?
For starters, boundaries are one of the key relapse prevention techniques that you follow in addiction treatment and in recovery. As you return to the real world post-treatment, you soon realize that addiction triggers are everywhere, waiting to draw you back into well-worn patterns of substance abuse. Understanding your triggers and having healthy boundaries in place can protect you from getting exposed to these addiction triggers and succumbing to relapse.
While preventing relapse, boundaries also give you helpful structure to follow in recovery on your own. Healthy boundaries clearly spell out what is OK and what is not OK regarding your sobriety goals, so you can walk into any scenario and know what’s expected of you. This also equips you to maintain better self-discipline.
Boundaries can also promote healthy self-respect and self-esteem. In fact, boundaries and respect go hand in hand. By establishing boundaries in recovery, you’re attributing value toward both your long-term sobriety and overall wellness. And as others respect boundaries you’ve put in place, you learn how much they care about you and your health. This ultimately creates even more self-worth, as well as healthier relationships between you and your loved ones. And good relationships and good self-worth are both key attributes of a successful long-term recovery.
Examples of Healthy Boundaries in Addiction Recovery
If it makes sense to have boundaries in place on the recovery journey, where should you put them? Answering this question may feel overwhelming, but assessing your feelings is a good place to start. According to CoDA, if you feel angry, guilty, or used in any situation or with any specific individual, then a boundary likely needs to be set. Another approach on how to set healthy boundaries is to think about the aspects of recovery you want to prioritize in your life right now. This allows you to put boundaries in place so you can keep your recovery a priority. With that said, here are a few examples of healthy boundaries you can establish during recovery:
- Recovery activities: You may need to set boundaries around your time so you can maintain recovery activities such as support group meetings, personal journaling or reflection, as well as exercise.
- Self-care: This may involve putting boundaries around how late you stay up (or go out) in order to get good sleep, for example. You may also limit your activities to those that encourage and build you up over others that cause undue stress.
- Places: You may decide not to visit certain places, such as bars, restaurants, or people’s homes, to protect yourself from potential addiction triggers.
- Social occasions: You may choose not to go to certain social outings, parties, work functions, or family gatherings if there is drinking or drug use involved.
- Relationships: You may decide only to spend time with friends or family who will respect and support your recovery goals. This may mean no longer seeing people who don’t respect boundaries, are triggering, or still continue to use.
- Feelings and behaviors: If you’re feeling angry, lonely, stressed, or bored, for example, you may choose not to participate in specific activities or go to certain places that could lead to addictive impulses or self-sabotage. You may also choose not to share vulnerable feelings with certain people.
How to Set Healthy Boundaries
Thinking about your own sobriety needs can be a helpful place to start in setting boundaries in recovery. From there, you’ll be able to identify specific areas (like those above) that need intentional, specific boundaries in place. However, once you’ve identified your boundaries, here are a few next steps in setting and keeping them throughout your recovery journey:
- Communicate your boundaries: It’s important to clearly communicate your boundaries to your friends and family. After all, many loved ones who support your recovery will want to know how to best help you, which means respecting boundaries you have in place. This also helps you stay accountable to your recovery goals.
- Upholding your boundaries: Learning how to set boundaries in a relationship involves enforcing your boundaries with others. It may feel difficult to carry this out as others struggle to acclimate to your boundaries. However, boundaries don’t work if they’re not kept. The more you maintain your boundaries, the more natural they’ll feel in time.
- Get help from others: Your recovery support group, therapist, or treatment center’s aftercare program may be a good resource to help you set and maintain your boundaries, especially when doing so starts feeling uncomfortable.
What If You Don’t Have Boundaries in Recovery?
While boundaries may sound good on paper (or in an online article), some people may not choose to establish them in recovery. Or, they may set them initially in a recovery program but don’t maintain them when they go back home. That’s because boundaries can be challenging to set and keep in real life, according to Forbes. The reality of saying “no” to a request or putting a limit in place may mean disappointing someone you care about. This can make you feel guilty or fear the rejection of others. Or you may feel bad about prioritizing your needs over another’s. As these difficult feelings arise, it’s easier to let boundaries slip in the moment. And as you do this more and more often, however, soon you may not have any boundaries at all.
Without boundaries, your recovery is in an incredibly vulnerable place. You don’t have the protections that boundaries provide. Consequently, you may encounter addiction triggers on a regular basis in your everyday life, leading to lapses that turn into relapses. Before you know it, you could return to your former addiction or even take on a cross addiction instead. In spite of the challenges of setting and keeping boundaries, they’re well worth it to your long-term sobriety.
When Someone Isn’t Respecting Boundaries
Setting boundaries in a relationship is an important component of establishing boundaries in recovery. You likely will have boundaries around several important people in your life. But what if someone you know doesn’t respect boundaries you’ve communicated? This person may be pushing you to do something that goes against your recovery, such as guilt-tripping you to join them at a bar..
When someone doesn’t respect your boundaries, it may be as simple as reminding them what boundaries you have in place and why they matter to you. Many times, the person will understand and make changes to comply. But if they continue to disrespect your boundaries, you may need to make the hard choice to reduce your time spent with them or even stop interactions altogether. There’s too much at stake with your recovery to continue being around people who put it at risk.
Pursue Your Recovery With Defining Wellness Centers
Learning how to set healthy boundaries is one of many steps to navigate along your addiction recovery. At Defining Wellness Centers in Mississippi, we’re here for you at each stage of your sobriety journey, from detox to inpatient rehab, aftercare, and beyond. To learn more about our addiction treatment programs, contact us today.