We all want good things for ourselves, right? You would certainly think so, but that’s not always the case. Such a reality may be hard to fathom; why would anyone be afraid of success, after all? Yet more often than not, limiting beliefs, fear of failure, and self-destructive behavior can get in the way of our healthy desires, aspirations, and dreams, leading to self-sabotage. If you struggle with self-sabotaging behavior yourself, why does it keep happening in your life, and what can you do about it?
What is Self-Sabotaging Behavior?
What is self-sabotage, exactly? According to PositivePsychology.com, self-sabotaging behavior is associated with actions we take that consciously or subconsciously cause obstacles in our lives which negatively impact our well-being and long-term goals. Instead of taking positive steps towards the good things in life, our behaviors actually hold us back. In many ways, self-sabotage can lead us to become our own worst enemy.
What’s scary and sad about self-sabotage is that we can easily do it without knowing we’re doing it. We may express desires and goals we want to accomplish, yet our actions don’t reflect what we say. So we may continue to practice self sabotage in relationships, in work, at school, and in our health—until it gets so bad that we finally realize what we’ve done. And even if you understand that a certain action or tendency is actually self-sabotaging behavior, you still may persist in repeating it over and over again.
However, recognizing self-sabotaging behavior for what it is can help you begin to take steps to overcome any hurtful habits. So what are some common signs of self sabotage?
Signs of Self-Sabotage
Some may be minor while others can be detrimental or even mistakenly celebrated in certain circles. Yet all self-sabotaging behaviors over time can lead you to frustration and disappointment as you see yourself missing out on the growth and achievement you want. Typical signs of self sabotage may include:
Procrastination
Instead of proactively taking steps to do something that will advance you in life, you put it off. It may be a goal such as applying for a job, joining a gym, or even reaching out to a friend. It gets easy to convince yourself that you’ll get to it later or simply aren’t ready yet, but then you never follow through.
Isolating Yourself
When you face trials and challenges in life, it’s often the support of others that can help you make it through, learn from your mistakes, and improve yourself. But instead of seeking out friends, mentors, or loved ones, you engage in self-isolation. By pulling away, you miss out on valuable assistance from those who care about you.
Perfectionism
Does it ever feel like you start something but never finish? Perfection can often get in the way of your accomplishments, growth, and development. After all, you won’t complete a task or take action until the situation is perfect (which never truly happens). Or if mistakes occur, you struggle deeply. Others may begin to progress while you’re left sitting on the sidelines.
Negative Self-Talk
Some people can give themselves a pep talk to spur them on in a situation. Alternatively, you may struggle with an internal dialogue that puts yourself down or leads to self-criticism. As your inner critic constantly demeans you, you can begin to think all that negative self-talk is true about you. As a result, you don’t believe in yourself and may struggle with self-confidence.
Comparing Yourself to Others
In this day and age with social media at our fingertips, it’s all too easy to compare yourself to others. This may be a natural tendency, but it can rob you of your joy and contentment in life. As you compare yourself to others, you end up disappointed, depressed, or sad about your own successes, experiences, or traits.
Why Do People Self Sabotage?
Upon learning about self-sabotage, a common response is to ask why you do it in the first place. Why do I self sabotage when things are going well, you may think. It’s not like you want to cause yourself pain, heartache, or letdown. So what motivates you to engage in self-sabotaging behavior over and over again? Like many things in life, the answer can be complicated. There are, however, many common factors that may drive your reasoning to sabotage yourself, including:
Unresolved Past Trauma
According to the American Psychological Association (APA), trauma is any disturbing experience that produces fear, confusion, helplessness, or other disruptive feelings that cause long-lasting effects to your attitudes, behavior, and overall functioning. There are many different types of trauma out there, ranging from acute to chronic.
Childhood trauma (also known as developmental trauma) can be particularly damaging to your development if left untreated. Over time, it can cause low self-esteem, unhealthy attachment patterns, persistent fear, and more, well into adulthood. Consequently, you may engage in self-sabotaging behavior as a way to cope with the negative effects of your past trauma and as a way to protect yourself.
Low Self-Esteem and Self-Worth
If you struggle with low self-esteem and self-worth —believing that you’re not “good enough” — you may sabotage yourself as a way to make your personal convictions a reality. Soon your views of self become a self-fulfilling prophecy, and the negative thinking and negative actions continue, leading you to neglect yourself, not work as hard, or sell yourself short.
Fear of Failure
Your fear of failure may be so great that you’d rather not do something at all than try and risk failing at it. Consequently, you may not take a job opportunity, promotion, or try something new, as a way of self-sabotage. You may stick with what’s comfortable or familiar, even if deep down it’s not good for you. This sadly prevents you from progressing in life.
Fear of Success
On the other hand, you may actually have a fear of success that can cause you to sabotage yourself. For you, success may mean added responsibility, unfamiliar territory, increased pressure, and even the potential for failure. As a result, you may unconsciously undermine yourself, shares PositivePsychology.com. According to Current Psychology, research has shown that feelings of self-deprecation and guilt towards your own success can also lead to self-sabotaging behavior and submissiveness.
Limiting Beliefs
In many ways, a difficult past (including trauma) can take hold of your personal identity, leading you to develop limiting beliefs about yourself. Consequently, you may believe you’re undeserving or unworthy of success, or the good things in life. This may drive you to self-sabotage and hinder your desire to take positive steps in your growth or development.
The Connection Between Self-Sabotaging Behavior, Mental Health, and Addiction
Just as past trauma is tied to self-sabotaging behavior, it’s also tied to both addiction and mental health disorders. As the effects of unresolved trauma linger on, they can impact your ability to regulate your emotions, producing mental health challenges that can become mental health disorders, such as anxiety or depression. These mental health challenges may motivate you to self-medicate as a way to cope. However, you can end up participating in self-destructive behavior such as consuming drugs or alcohol as your preferred coping mechanism.
Self-medicating through substance use is in itself a form of self-sabotage, as what becomes your regular way to cope can lead to addiction. Yet addictive substances only provide temporary relief, leading you to take more drugs or drink more often to get the same effects. This unfortunately leads to further self-sabotaging behavior as you struggle with both addiction and mental health challenges simultaneously, known as co-occurring disorders.
How to Stop Self Sabotaging
If you think you may be engaging in self-sabotage or self-destructive behavior on a continuous basis, you may wonder if you can ever stop. However, awareness of your struggles is the first step to learning how to stop self-sabotaging. With time, intentional effort, and even outside help, you can prevent self-sabotaging behaviors in the future. Here are a few important steps to make that happen:
- Notice Your Patterns and Triggers: What are the situations or feelings that lead you to sabotage yourself? Take inventory of these so you can proactively stop self-sabotaging behaviors in the moment
- Practice Self-Compassion: Instead of putting yourself down or listening to your inner critic, have compassion for yourself in this process of change. This prevents you from sabotaging yourself when setbacks occur
- Set Realistic Goals: Your limiting beliefs have caused you to think you’re incapable or have prevented you from pursuing your dreams. By setting small, achievable goals for yourself, you begin to see that you can grow, change, and achieve something
- Pursue Self-Care: As overcoming your self-sabotaging habits takes effort, it’s important to take care of your physical and mental wellness. Eat healthy, exercise, and get good sleep so you can be in the best position to change.
Heal and Change at Defining Wellness Centers
If you’re struggling with self-sabotage, addiction, or mental health disorders (even all of the above), professional treatment can be a powerful tool to find healing and create lasting change. At Defining Wellness Centers in Mississippi, our dual diagnosis treatment program utilizes trauma-informed care to address the root causes of your self-sabotage, addiction, and co-occurring mental health challenges, all in one place. To learn more about our treatment approach, contact us today.
